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I just finished doing something I've wanted to do. The getting there was a little painful, but when I saw that the pain had opened up an opportunity... Well, I'm so grateful for awareness.

I was in a bit of a fix this weekend. Having been in Florida since Sunday, Sept. 21, and working my tail off 'til Friday, the 26th, I hadn't gotten to a meeting since the 20th. Throw on top of that an unhealthy situation I found myself in regarding accommodation and company for the pleasure part of my stay and I was really feeling poorly.

God provided clarity and I got a room at a hotel (I paid for with points!) about 2 miles from a gay recovery clubhouse on Las Olas Blvd in Fort Lauderdale. The last time I was at this clubhouse, I realized I would like to vacation as such that I could spend a lot of time there. Well, I got what I wanted! I also connected with a wonderful man who had dinner then dessert and coffee with me on Sunday night. I spent Monday touring/shopping on Las Olas and attending 3 meetings at the clubhouse. Today I went to the nooner there and then met my new friend for lunch. We then went for a stroll among the shops in Wilton Manors, met more new friends and then went to a meeting that was absolutely amazing. This is what a vacation is for me! I feel recharged and renewed, happy and hopeful, joyous and free!

I've learned lessons and grown and made new friends and done things I wouldn't normally do. I stepped through fears and found great rewards for doing so. Life is good.

Got to go to a meeting today at 5:15PM in Vail, Colorado. It was a 12&12 on the 7th Step and just what I needed to hear. I've got praying and meditation (listening) to do on the things it brought to surface for me. I'll be talking to my sponsor, too. I'm grateful for this program, for it constantly teaches me about me and how I operate... and how I need to continue character-building. Very simply, I've let a major character defect (spoken of quite nicely in today's reading) make a rift between me and another person, causing fear and anxiety. I want to clean it up, but am not sure how to do so. So, I'm going to pray and listen for a bit. Life is good.

A newcomer with 12 days without drinking was at the meeting tonight and (as he did Monday night) proceeded to enlighten us about alcoholism. Tonight he was interrupted and it was done well, with firmness and care. When I came into the rooms, I KNEW a lot of what was being said and, being the intelligent guy I am, the things I didn't know were quickly assimilated and made to fit what I already KNEW. Thankfully, I survived my intelligence long enough to realize it was not serving me. I knew a lot about alcoholism and recovery, but knowledge without action (and time!) is useless with this! This is a program of action; it is experiential learning; it's doing whether or not you have the knowing. I can't help but figure things out; it's how I'm wired. However, today I can still have that going on without it getting in the way of just doing it. I hope the newcomer survives his intelligence...

Thankfully, my need for people pleasing has greatly diminished over the years. One area that's not shown it at all is sponsorship. I grateful that's the case, for were I to try to please my sponsees, I'd be doing them a great disservice. My responsibility is to be honest with them, even if it's something they don't want to hear. I like the friendships that have developed with my sponsees, but they are inherently different from the other friendships in my life. We are in relation for a single purpose and that is to achieve and maintain sobriety through working together in this program of action. The friendship that surrounds that single purpose is wonderful and special, but the single purpose is foremost in priority. What a treat to be sponsored and to sponsor! Life is good.