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Went to the morning men's group today with something to say. Though no longer surprising, yet still amazing, someone spoke directly about what was bearing on my soul. This time was so on the mark it was uncanny. The first guy to speak shared how his work was weighing on him, how fear and procrastination were effectively paralyzing him when it comes to action on a certain project, and how part of him just wants someone to be there with him while he does it.

Before the meeting, I sat at my desk in my office (at home) and looked at a chair in an alcove, thinking how I would really like to have someone sitting there with me while I worked on the several projects I have right now. Projects I haven't moved much on out of fear and procrastination.

One fella (who's rather hot!) always shares something that I can use (and it's not 'cause he's hot!) and he related how his procrastination can paralyze him. He said he has to just do something, anything. If it's a small thing on the to-do list, then wonderful, but even if it's not, just do something. So... I will just do something. I do not have to do the whole project in one sitting. I can do it piecemeal and still make progress.

I had to share this with "my people" to get it out of my head. I was (yeah, past tense) feeling a level of anxiety I've not felt in the past five years. I know that were I to leave it to fester in me, drinking to not feel it may seem like an option. The obsession is gone and I continue to do things I've learned to keep me spiritually fit. There are more things to learn and more learnings to practice. I'm grateful for the awareness and the willingness.

Just before the meeting, I shared with a fella about how I have a LOT of good problems... A LOT. I still have the same things and they can still be called good problems. However, there was a bad problem that needed immediate addressing... my thinking. Thank God it's changed. Life is good.

Didn't get to a meeting today, per se, but received a 5th Step from a guest at the local recovery facility. I'm really grateful to be able to do such things.

Worked out with Trainer shortly afterward... I can barely move my arms!!! Life is good.

And it ended nicely... Speaker meeting tonight (her first time telling her story at a speaker meeting) and she did very well. Met with Deuce tonight to work on Step 8. Good work tonight... Poor Deuce had his car worked on today - big stuff. Not even a minute after we parted, he called and his car was broken down. I felt so badly for him. I came back and gave him a push to roll down a hill and into a parking lot (thankfully sheltered, for the remnants of Fay are on us right now). Fortunately, he found the problem and was able to fix it on the spot. (Deuce, I love the way you giggled [yeah, you giggled] and said "I fixed it!") I surely know there was a day when that would have been all over me and if not drinking over my car failing, I'd certainly have at least been raging. Life is good.

Tonight I went to my home group meeting, a line-by-line Big Book study called The Way Out. Major thing of tonight was how only an alcoholic can get the confidence of suffering alcoholic. No one was able to get through to me until I came to the rooms and hung around for awhile. Not friends, family, my boss, upper management, a psychologist, nor an EAP counselor... no one but a group of recovering drunks.

It was a wonderful time in St. Thomas and I'm glad to be home. 8PM speaker meeting tonight - young fella... 27 with 9 years of sobriety. I really liked his story and, though I couldn't really relate with much of his drinking experience, I related quite strongly in his recovery experiences. Sober life is a lot of fun... Surprise!

Got to a meeting this morning (at last!) and am grateful for it. It was a 6:30AM meeting and it was pretty much the only one I could get to this week. The meetings here all stop at 6PM and my work prevents me from getting to those, though I could've gone this evening since the event is complete. Still, glad I went to the early morning one, for bobbing in the ocean this afternoon, taking a bubble bath (don't know when the last one I took was... prolly when I was 5!), and eating a wonderful dinner in a funky-cool restaurant sure was fun!

The meeting was a small group, 11 of us, and met in the basement of a church in Charlotte Amalie. It was a Big Book study and they had just finished, so were starting fresh at the beginning. It was nice to be with my people in yet another part of the world that was new to me.

Here's a map I made of the St. Thomas USVI Alcoholics Anonymous locations. Perhaps it'll help someone find a meeting here. It sure helped me figure out where to go, for some of these are pretty far off in regards to travel time.

Read in the chapter to the agnostics tonight. I like the discussions about God and am grateful I don't have to explain my concept any more; that I am comfortable with saying "God" and knowing what I mean and allowing you to have it mean what it means to you.

Off to St. Thomas on business... Looking forward to meetings there!

I can be such a boob sometimes... Tonight's meeting did round-the-room introductions, as many here do. As that was happening, it came time for me to introduce myself, so I did just as usual. Except... with the layout of this meeting, I couldn't see someone at the table beside mine, so he was left out. After a few more people introduced themselves, he spoke up (Good for him!) and said he was missed and was new and needed help stopping drinking. I'm so glad he did and I know everything worked just as it was supposed to. Still, I felt small, like everyone was looking at me with disdain, for I'd stepped on someone's toes, especially a newcomer's. I know it was purely a mistake and I've seen this happen more times than I can recall. Still... my autopilot is an asshole and he wanted to beat me up a bit. I got aware of that quickly and then got past it. The meeting was really good, the topic just for him and so many of us were helped by his being there. I hope he comes back. When I see him again, I hope I will step up to him and say hello and welcome.

...is none of my business.

Saturday: Met with new sponsee at conference hotel, attended two speaker meetings, went home and watched movies and napped, went back to conference for speaker at 8pm, went home still empty.

Sunday: Went to conference for final speaker and started pulling out of the emptiness. Met new exercise trainer for interview session. Spent time with FA. Mostly pulled out of it.

Today: Went to 8am meeting, sponsee #2 (Deuce) was there and new sponsee (#3 - Trey) showed up midway. Met with Trey and a quick bit of service work at the club. Back to the house to meet with Deuce to receive his 5th step - GREAT JOB! 8pm home group meeting and then first workout with trainer at 9:30pm. Feeling a lot better and grateful to make it through with minimal damages to me and others.

Read dailies and prayed throughout the day
Many calls with new sponsee today
Helped another alcoholic with his computer
Met new sponsee at 10:30AM meeting
Stayed for most of 12:10PM meeting
Met with sponsor today
Went to first night of local recovery center's annual conference
Heard an awesome NA speaker
Stayed for the fellowship til' 10:15PM
I feel empty...
It'll pass.

Moments of serenity... They started as being only for a few seconds and have grown to moments that sometimes last for days.

Met with a new sponsee tonight, went to a meeting together and talked afterward. I'm grateful for the opportunity to be of service.

But I did have the honor of receiving a 5th step at the local recovery center. I'm grateful for the opportunity to be of service there; it really adds to my program.

I'm so grateful I survived my alcoholism long enough to want to go to AA. Most of us don't...

Tonight's meeting was on the first three paragraphs on page 17 of the Big Book. One person said something similar to, "I'll go to Hell and back with you in the solution, but you've got to get out of the problem!" I like that. I find that when I focus on the solution, I'm so much more of a happy, joyous and free person. God, please help me to dwell in the solution.

Visited the local recovery center again this morning... It's so great to be able to be of service by being part of the recovery community that answers guests' questions at the Hall. They're having their annual conference this weekend. I've attended several times and look forward to this one. Hundreds (even over 1200!) attend this conference and they're all in recovery or supporting someone who is. What awesome energy to be in the midst of!

Today I met with my new sponsor for our first "official" meeting. I look forward to building this relationship and learning from him. Afterward, we went (into the next room) to the morning men's meeting. The topic was tolerance.

Tonight FA celebrated his fourth sobriety birthday. Dinner with several friends at a favorite restaurant, an awesome meeting, ice cream cake and then karaoke... What a celebration for such a wonderful friend!