raanch

Tonight's meeting was so particularly relevant to something going on in my life... It still amazes me how God puts me right where I need to be! So much of what was said spoke directly to what's going on. I mean some things were almost verbatim what I said 45 minutes before the meeting - while in the middle of the impasse. I won't elaborate on the impasse here, but here's a little story:

My hand was on the hot stove and I didn't know it.
I realized my hand was on the stove.
I took my hand off the stove.
My hand doesn't hurt anymore.
My friend's hand is on the stove and he likes it there.
My friend thinks that by taking my hand off the stove, I think I'm better than he.
My friend wants me to put my hand back on the stove.
I'm keeping my hand off the stove.

Here is something I shared on www.gayalcoholics.com's Yahoo! group, in response to a fella in early sobriety with his also sober partner.

I'm Sam and I'm an alcoholic. My partner began his recovery about 8 months
after I had my last drink. He just picked up hi 4-year chip. We're still
together, but not as partners. Our relationship began drunk and we were
drinking buddies the whole time (4 years) before I started my recovery
journey. As we both got to know ourselves, we realized we were not IN LOVE
with each other, that alcohol had been the glue for our relationship.
However, we also realized we LOVE each other and we are family. We love
living together and help each other immensely with the things in life that
take two people. Our lives are great! It's taken some time (we've been
ex's for about a year now) for people to "get it" and some still don't, but
we've found what works for us. He's got a boyfriend and so do I. We both
know we've got each other's back and completely trust each other with
family, friends, money, animals... you name it.

What I'm trying to convey is to take it one day at a time. Be open with
your partner and talk, though running big things past your sponsor first
might be well advised. Our relationship is nothing we ever could've even
imagined. It's certainly not what we thought it would be! Still, rather
than forcing my will (or he his), we've simply taken life as it comes and
it's turned out beautifully - different and beautiful.

There are a lot of holes in this nutshell of what's happened, but I hope I
have related enough of it.

Keep coming back! It's totally worth it!

Since I've taken up Tuesday evenings knitting with the Knitwits, Happy Hookers and Crafty Characters (a group of recovery people chatting it up and learning/teaching crafts), I've chosen to arrive late to my Tuesday night meetings. Half a meeting is certainly better than no meeting. Besides, the hour and a half beforehand is full of recovery conversations, so it's not like I'm skimping... I'm actually getting in TWO hours!

Heard in the rooms:

"If you like everyone you meet in AA, you're not going to enough meetings."
"If you've never been to a 'bad' meeting, you're not going to enough meetings."

Tonight I went to two meetings. The first, a beginners' meeting on sponsorship, was a good one. I shared about my beginner-like situation of looking for a new sponsor. See, I've only asked one person to be my sponsor; he said no. (He was nice, just didn't have time.) That was about nine months after my last drink. While talking with friends about it, one of them offered to be my temporary sponsor; she was until we decided to make it permanent - about two years later! So... asking someone to be my sponsor is not coming easily for me. Still, my sponsor and I are finding each other and I know all is as it should be. I'm doing the legwork and praying.

The second meeting came about because, as my sponsee and I were wrapping up our meeting at the clubhouse (we were there alone), someone came knocking on the door looking for an 8pm meeting. He was on foot, so I offered a ride to a meeting. When we got there, I decided to stay. It was a speaker meeting and, for some reason, I just couldn't relate to the speaker. Instead of sitting there being restless and getting a little irritable, I quietly gathered up my coat and slipped out at 8:30. As I was walking to my car, I simply prayed that someone gets something from his talk.

Listened to a speaker tonight and related to his experience with outside issues. Paraphrased, I have experience with outside issues, but I never went seeking them (well, I did a couple of times before I was 21, 'cause they were easier to get than alcohol), but I always sought alcohol. I am an alcoholic and nothing ever worked for me quite like alcohol.

My faith is what moves me forward, but I got it by looking back - looking back on my life and how so many things have come together so many times, things I couldn't have planned or controlled, and how my life is so very good. A favorite quote is of Patti O., who spoke in Fort Lauderdale a few years ago: "Every time I thought my life was falling apart, when I looked back on it, it was falling together."

Today I feel my emotions and those emotions are me being in touch with my spirit. When I'm in touch with my spirit, I can connect with the Spiritual, the Universe, my God. My emotions help me know my spiritual condition.

Tonight I went to the men's group I am likely going to join as my homegroup. I got there earlier than usual and was asked to moderate. I said yes. What better way to get to people than to jump right into the midst of them? It went very well and I'm grateful for the experience.

Bonus: I was listening to the guys sharing with a particular ear for potential sponsors. Two of the guys really stood out to me, one in particular. I hope we can talk at the next meeting.

Check out what our fine friend Micky put together! Not only did he try to post this (of course with a few choice phrases) in my comments, but he also posted it on his blog. Now the cool thing is that the post on his blog actually links to all of these, helping drive them up in search engine listings! SCHWEET! Thanks, Micky!

As a matter of fact, I copied all of these from his site to post here. Thanks again, Micky!

So, without further ado, here they are... MICKY'S FINE LIST OF RECOVERY BLOGS!!!!
YAY!!!!!

(Links open in new windows.)

• coda coach. MIAtan


• Lex: Road of Happy destiny. MIA


• Noor: My Journey to recovery


• Syd at FINE


• View from the Monastery Kitchen. (Harnham Monastery)


• Grace: Sobering thoughts


• Hippy Chick


• Johna at My Lifetime Movie


• Just me at My Secret Monster


• Kari: A sense of community


• Krista at Wine-O


• Lela


• Matthew at Ode to a Nightingale


• Musicman


• Rhonda at My journey to Wellness


• SE at World of an Addict


• Stacy at Steady a she Goes


• Thomas: Addiction to Redemption


• TK at Sober Today


• Yours Truly at Among the Living


• Ann at Life in Soberville


• Clarity at Clarity Case


• Designer Girl


• Kathym at Gospodi


• Katia at Seeking the Cranberry


• Lea (aka Molly) at Recovering Wino


• Lea at Geisha Interrupted


• Lounge Daddy


• Mary at Letting Go


• Red Cardinal


• Rob at iGrateful


• Sarah at Recovery Rodeo


• Shgrr at Dear Bill W


• Sober Chick


• Sober Steve


• April. A day in the life of..


• Brad: This Unmanageable Life


• Brain Dead Genius


• Carly. Lush for life. Not posting.


• Chris at A Free Man


• Chris at the Last Chance Texaco


• Higher Powered Daave


• JJ!. A Reason a Season


• Johno. Hand in Hand with SOU


• Jonathan at My Life in Tampa


• Judith. Vicarious Rising


• Kenny in London


• Lush Girl


• Motorcycle Mike


• Ms Determined at Progress not Perfection


• Ms Dirty Dishes at Calm Acceptance


• Ms Las at This too shall Pass


• Ms tkdjunkie at They tell me to keep coming


• Photographer at Thy will not mine. Disappeared..


• Redhead Gal at Journey to Recovery


• Rex. H: Whats your deepest fear?


• Sam at raanch


• Sharon at Fellow Traveller


• Steph at Sober Insanity


• Trish. Sober Rider: Disappeared..


• Reid. God Loving Buddhist Drunk


• Christine: Enjoy today


• Dharma at Fight The Misery Conspirary


• Mary Anne: Primary Purpose. Not posting.


• Meg at Tidal Wave


• One drunk to another at Its in the Book


• Shannon at Todaay


• Trudge at Outright Mental Defective


• Ginnie at Goldendaze


• John R at Sober New Jersey


• Owen at Came to Believe: 'wikki' blog: ANYONE can post


• Pam; Sobriety is Exhausting


• Trinker at Alcoholic Diary


• Vetver. Second Surrender


• Zane at ZaneJabbers


• 2Dogs! at Two Dogs Blogging


• A M Duke at Sober Conversations


• Doc a at Relationships in Recovery


• Jeani's Blog


• Linda at Sober Lady 29.5yrs!


• Martha at Bouncing off the Bottom


• Phyllis at Life on Whidbey


• Scott at Attitude of Gratitude

Let me know if you want this list to post on your site. I'll give you the simplified code to just paste into a post. Here is a text file with the code for Micky's Fine List of Recovery Blogs. Just copy the contents of it and paste it into the HTML editing part of your blogging tool. It's very important it be pasted into the HTML part. Also, if you want to stop by Micky's blog to thank him, copy and paste this into your browser: http://micky-clontarf.blogspot.com/ (Obviously, I ain't gonna be a nice boy and reciprocate his linkage!)

Today I was in town in time to go to a 10:30AM meeting. I had an old meeting schedule, but the info rarely changes, so I went to the clubhouse for the meeting. I was there about 30 minutes early, so I straightened up the place a bit and settled down. No one showed up... It's held in another location now. Oh well... I was still sober, grateful and managed to get in a little service work, too.

Tonight was my second time with the Knitwits, Happy Hookers and Crafty Characters - an unofficial group of people in recovery getting together for socializing while working on knitting, crocheting and other crafty activities. I haven't fed the crafty part of me in years, so it's fun remembering what I used to do and learning new stuff. I'm learning knitting right now. Anyway, it runs from 6:30PM to 8:00PM, so I figured I'd just miss the Tuesday 8PM meeting for awhile. Instead, since it's on the way home, I chose to just go late, arriving about 8:25.

I'm glad I went, for the meeting was small and there was a newcomer there. I shared about my drinking and my path to AA, following the example of the others there tonight. After the meeting, I chatted with the newcomer for a few minutes. I hope he comes back.

Tonight a newcomer asked how long he should take on each step. It made for a fairly decent meeting. I kept my mouth shut and listened. It was really cool when my sponsee spoke about how long it took me to do my 4th step and how I encouraged him not to follow my example in order for him to get the results sooner rather than later.

"I am responsible..." The many forms of service not only ensure that AA is available to those yet to come through the door, it also insures my sobriety. Anytime I'm caught up in my head, one of the best things I can do is help someone, especially another alcoholic.

I felt "apart from" and "less than" and found that alcohol lessened that a lot. Alcohol may not have made me feel I had all that was missing, but it surely made me not care about it. That was when it worked...

Takeaway from tonight's meeting:If I lash out at someone, I expect retaliation and that stays on my mind, affecting my serenity. Even if the person I lashed out at never does anything to me (which may even be worse...), I have added my concern of their retaliation to my back-of-my-mind conversation.

Tonight I was privileged to give MP his 4-year chip. Pretty awesome!

First meeting in many days... Been experiencing vertigo since Monday morning. First experience with it. I'm definitely an alcoholic! I kinda like the sensation of not being able to stay vertical when I first try to get out of bed in the morning. Still, I'm ready for this to go away...

In tonight's meeting, an oldtimer said, "Wait for the question," referencing "attraction rather than promotion." While I manage to do pretty well with this, it certainly bears repeating. Sometimes I am so gung-ho about what I've gotten from AA that, when someone asks a simple question about it, I give a lot more information than a simple answer. Perhaps just a simple answer is in order...

Tonight my sponsee told his story for the first time. How awesome to experience that! A neat sidenote: the first time I spoke at the same group was on a Superbowl Sunday, too.

I also went to an earlier meeting on the 8th and 9th steps. It was a great meeting, too.

Oh, uh... oops... Commenting was off. I was wondering why there were no comments. Maybe that's why. They're back on now. Thanks for the heads up, Blue!

Someone brought up drunk dreams in tonight's meeting. I haven't had one in several years. However, I did in my first year or so and I did exactly what this person did... I talked about it. I never had a problem from them and never will as long as I will talk about them.

Tonight I went to the first part of a weekend meditation workshop. Something I heard that I liked:

The gift of struggle is its failure.