I've been awake since about 4:30, likely due to a bad mixture of too much sugar late last night and two recent events that are rattling around in my head.
Yesterday, I was in an evening meeting where a woman had brought her two young (maybe 5-7 years old) children. At one point, I saw her get up and take one of them out the front door of the clubhouse with a wooden ruler in her hand and it was, though not dramatic, obvious the trip was to discipline the child. Just after she got out the door, a man I've known for (I guess) a year or so in meetings and a few times dining with pre-meeting groups, followed her. I saw "odd" movement through the 12" x 12" window in the door. When I saw it again and realized he was accosting her, no one else either knew what was happening or was going to intervene. I rushed out of the meeting room and intervened.
She was indeed being accosted (her ruler lay in pieces on the porch) for striking her child. I don't remember for sure if he was grasping her, but I think he was. I grasped his upper arm firmly, but I don't think like a clamp and was talking to him, trying to calm him down. He was very agitated - disturbingly so. She went back in with her child. He told me to let go and the look in his eyes told me if I didn't, he'd get physically violent. I let go, but blocked the door. Finally, we both went out of the enclosed porch and talked, though he was still very agitated. His comments were along the line that she'd not strike children in his presence - that he'd been a teacher and had been required to report such things. He was very passionate about it and would not back down, no matter what I said. (I do not condone the method of discipline, but they're not my children - I didn't see it - I don't think the kid was even crying - Yes, I was severely beaten several times as a child.) Finally and after maybe two minutes, he had calmed down a bit. Someone had come outside to smoke and perhaps her presence helped. I dare not stop him from going in without stirring him up again. He was still quite a bit agitated, but not so much that I thought he'd do anything inside. Still, he said something to the effect that he'd "ask" her after the meeting if she wanted him to report her to child services or some such.
I talked very briefly with the one who'd come to smoke and then went back in. There was no sign of him and the woman was back in her seat with both her kids. I assume he left via the back door. No one in the meeting seemed to even know anything had happened. I was thankful the meeting hadn't been disrupted. One woman sitting near me, a friend and black-belt Al-Anon, saw I was a bit shaken and we did the reassuring by eyes thing. (Thank you.) Just before the meeting ended, I asked her to get with the woman immediately after the end. She did while I got with a club board member to let him know the situation and solicit help in escorting the woman and kids to her car - just in case. My Al-Anon friend and I escorted them to their car without incident and had plenty of people out front in the meeting-after-the-meeting who I'm sure would've helped had we needed it. I asked the woman to please come back. She said she'd come there from another city and was now embarrassed. Al-Anon and I both told her that practically no one knew it had happened and again invited her to return. I hope she does, at least to AA somewhere.
I feel as though I seem a bit "off" to this board member. I didn't expect him to do anything, but wanted him to know immediately after them meeting what had happened in case more happened in the next few minutes. Timing was odd here, for he'd just presented his sponsee with a 1-year chip and there was a cake, too. After we'd gotten the woman and kids off, I came back in and he was talking with a founding member about it. I joined the conversation and we all agreed that the kids thing was a group matter, but the man accosting the woman was a club thing and was not acceptable. (Thank God writing helps me sort things out. That last sentence really helped.)
Now, the other bit...
I attended a club members' meeting last week where there was discussion and a vote on basically sacrificing the club to make a bigger, better club in a new location. Twenty voting members were present and a slew of people who could not vote. I love the idea of the bigger, better club - our area needs it. Statements were made about the ease with which money could be raised to fully fund the building of the new club. The current clubhouse would be sold to but the new land. I like our clubhouse and think it could still serve very well in our community. The meetings that have gotten too big for it can move to the new one. Those and the many other groups that are expected to move to it should be able to support it. I've a lot to say on this and probably shouldn't here and won't. Very simply, it doesn't feel right to me; it feels forced. I was the only one who voted against the motion. I feel apart from. Several of the people involved in driving this are pillars of the community, both recovery and in general. They're also on the board of the clubhouse. (One of them being the one I interacted with yesterday.) I jokingly told a few friends and my sponsor immediately after the meeting that I was a pariah. There's often a bit of truth in a joke...
There was a time, not too long ago, when I would not have voted based on my beliefs. Rather I'd have voted to be one of the crowd or not even participated. There was a time, not too long ago, when I would not have rushed out onto that porch and certainly not alone. (I won't likely do it alone again, either.) I've learned a lot about me over the past several years and I guess, in that time, I've also gained enough confidence(?) to step up. Now the growing I'm in is learning to still be happy, joyous and free when I've stepped up. I think...
