Acceptance
I've gotten to do more volunteer IT work over the past two days. It's nice to get away from the facility and do things for folks. I really appreciate the opportunities to be loaned out.
It hurts when someone I love is hurting. Acceptance is so much harder for me to practice when it involves people close to me. I can (providing I'm reasonably spiritually fit) accept the hell outta people I don't know. Bad drivers, rude shoppers, tired clerks, etc. are no big deal. I've grown quite well when I comes to letting their crap roll off my back like water on a duck. But... when someone I'm invested in is funked, I cannot yet let their stuff be theirs alone. Oh, I've gotten better at the meddling and too frequent phone calls - that part of my actions has definitely improved. Still, they are in my head, often popping into the forefront of my mind upon waking or some quiet moment. I worry. I wonder. I doubt. I do not trust God. Then I try to let it go again. I give it back, only to take it back into me in five minutes or five hours. Then I try to let it go again. ad nauseum... Still, awareness is my greatest asset. When I become aware of my actions of rote, I can change them or at least try to. With continuing trying I can progress.
When someone I love is hurting, I want to be there for them, but I cannot fix them and I do not know best what is right for them. All I can do is love them and hope that they will remember that I do love them and am here. The curse and blessing of what I've learned is that I must take care of my own serenity, for without it, I am no good to anyone, especially myself. In taking care of myself, I cannot own anyone else's shit - even one I deeply love - for in trying to own their shit, I stop working on mine and then I'm in double-shit.
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, wisdom to know the difference and patience to learn it.
______________________________
UPDATE 9/29:
Interesting that this was part of the Hazelden daily email this morning:
It hurts when someone I love is hurting. Acceptance is so much harder for me to practice when it involves people close to me. I can (providing I'm reasonably spiritually fit) accept the hell outta people I don't know. Bad drivers, rude shoppers, tired clerks, etc. are no big deal. I've grown quite well when I comes to letting their crap roll off my back like water on a duck. But... when someone I'm invested in is funked, I cannot yet let their stuff be theirs alone. Oh, I've gotten better at the meddling and too frequent phone calls - that part of my actions has definitely improved. Still, they are in my head, often popping into the forefront of my mind upon waking or some quiet moment. I worry. I wonder. I doubt. I do not trust God. Then I try to let it go again. I give it back, only to take it back into me in five minutes or five hours. Then I try to let it go again. ad nauseum... Still, awareness is my greatest asset. When I become aware of my actions of rote, I can change them or at least try to. With continuing trying I can progress.
When someone I love is hurting, I want to be there for them, but I cannot fix them and I do not know best what is right for them. All I can do is love them and hope that they will remember that I do love them and am here. The curse and blessing of what I've learned is that I must take care of my own serenity, for without it, I am no good to anyone, especially myself. In taking care of myself, I cannot own anyone else's shit - even one I deeply love - for in trying to own their shit, I stop working on mine and then I'm in double-shit.
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, wisdom to know the difference and patience to learn it.
______________________________
UPDATE 9/29:
Interesting that this was part of the Hazelden daily email this morning:
Surrendering to God the management of all the other people in our lives will free us to better manage ourselves.
