Dis-ease
I'm in a general state of dis-ease. Being physically ill is certainly part of it; I'm simply weak and tired. (I'm treating the symptoms, dammit. There's no point in me even calling my doctor until I've presented symptoms for 10 days. He won't prescribe any meds until then. Yes, it's a minor resentment.) I feel unhappy with me for not exercising and dieting lately, for not doing my physical therapy exercises. I'm supposed to list my character defects as homework from my sponsor - I haven't done it.
I'm afraid of moving back into the old house; I don't want to get stuck there. We're considering selling our current home and moving into the rental house, for its lease expires at the end of July and the tenants don't want to renew. It's 9 miles further from town than our current home and is a major step down from what we are living in now. By selling our home and moving into the rental house, we can bide our time and find the house we want in town. That way, we won't have to finagle with purchasing contingent on our current house selling. It's a good plan, but I'm afraid of losing what I have and not getting what I want.
FA is in a funk and that always messes with me. It still bothers me when I call him and he doesn't return my call. I know he does it to everyone, but I just want to know he's physically OK. It scares me to think of something happening to him and no one knowing for awhile because he regularly drops off the face of the earth. I don't want to detach from him, but his actions keep pushing me away. Not away as such that I will end our friendship, but as such that I'll not be (am already less) as proactive in talking with him and trying to help. It'll wind up to where he pretty much always will have to ask me for help rather than my acting on my sensing of his need. We've gotten to know each other very well over the past several years, but as I get to know myself better, I don't want to experience the worry and pain.
Meeting with Sponz this afternoon, then a trip to the tanning bed (I know. I know. But I do it rarely and it's a nice little vacation - reminds me of being on the back of the cruise ship in the middle of the Caribbean), perhaps some dinner and then a meeting.
I'm afraid of moving back into the old house; I don't want to get stuck there. We're considering selling our current home and moving into the rental house, for its lease expires at the end of July and the tenants don't want to renew. It's 9 miles further from town than our current home and is a major step down from what we are living in now. By selling our home and moving into the rental house, we can bide our time and find the house we want in town. That way, we won't have to finagle with purchasing contingent on our current house selling. It's a good plan, but I'm afraid of losing what I have and not getting what I want.
FA is in a funk and that always messes with me. It still bothers me when I call him and he doesn't return my call. I know he does it to everyone, but I just want to know he's physically OK. It scares me to think of something happening to him and no one knowing for awhile because he regularly drops off the face of the earth. I don't want to detach from him, but his actions keep pushing me away. Not away as such that I will end our friendship, but as such that I'll not be (am already less) as proactive in talking with him and trying to help. It'll wind up to where he pretty much always will have to ask me for help rather than my acting on my sensing of his need. We've gotten to know each other very well over the past several years, but as I get to know myself better, I don't want to experience the worry and pain.
Meeting with Sponz this afternoon, then a trip to the tanning bed (I know. I know. But I do it rarely and it's a nice little vacation - reminds me of being on the back of the cruise ship in the middle of the Caribbean), perhaps some dinner and then a meeting.
