What's Next?
I decided to go to work this morning and work from 6:30 to 9:00 and then go run the errands I needed to do for attending the funeral. (i.e. shirts to dry cleaners, buy dress shoes, buy suit - I haven't had to wear a suit in many years) As I was pulling out of the driveway in the dawn light, I thought I saw a dead bluebird on the road in front of our house. I didn't let my eyes linger on it and headed off to work. Bluebirds always make me think of Grandmother, Daddy Bob's wife who has been gone for around 25 years. She loved bluebirds and I remember her having a bluebird house made and wanting "Bluebirds Only" written over the entry.
At work, I told my boss of what happened and asked that work not do the standard sending of a flowering plant or anything, including coworkers visiting the funeral home or attending the funeral. Work did that and coworkers visited when my other grandfather died and I appreciated it greatly. This is different. I've not been part of this family for so long that having work involved in any way is an unwanted distraction/complication. Then I called Granny and my mother and told them of Daddy Bob.
I left work at 9:00, dropped the shirts off (ready at noon Saturday), picked up Rx and a coffee at the drugstore, bought dress shoes and a belt at a department store, went to the suit shop and proceeded to buy the suit. AA was there - one of the salesmen... Thank you, God. Marked the alterations (rush job - ready in 4 hours - I didn't even have to ask. Great customer service there!) and headed out to my car. There I called my best friend and while we were talking, another AA walked by and came over to my car and shook my hand, said hello and moved on. Thank you, God. I went to Arby's and got a quick lunch so I could get to the 12:10 AA meeting downtown. Called my sponsor while eating. She answered and we talked a moment. Thank you, God. Arrived early enough to the meeting to walk around downtown for awhile. Went to the meeting and helped set up.
The meeting was on anger. I wasn't really connecting with it, but I was in a meeting. About 3/4 through the meeting (held on the 2nd floor with windows open to the street) there was a startling sound, like a car backfiring. Someone sitting at the windows yelled to us, "Look!" Almost everyone either stood and looked or moved to the windows and looked. A man was on the sidewalk across the street, lying in the beginnings of a pool of blood. He'd either fallen, been pushed or jumped from the parking deck across the street. I sat down immediately, wishing I'd not seen it. Tears came a bit...
Some attendees ran downstairs. Some stayed at the windows. Some sat back down. Some called 911. One gave graphic descriptions of the scene to the dispatcher. Emergency personnel arrived. Someone suggested ending the meeting. We did with prayer. I helped clean up and left. My car was right on the street. I averted my eyes as much as possible. Thank God they'd covered him with a sheet. I drove to an AA friend's business place, told him of what happened and some of this week's stuff. We sat in the back and talked a bit. Not much, for he was almost continually busy with customers coming in. (He said I should visit more often - good for business) I sat alone in his back room for about 30 minutes. Thank God for that safe place.
I drove a long route back to the suit shop, about an hour early, just in case the suit was ready. (They'd said it might be.) It was. On the way to the meeting and back to the suit shop, I noted how beautiful the day was. I had the top down and it was gorgeous. Thank you, God. I got home, parked the car and went to get the mail.
There's a dead bluebird in the street in front of our house.
I think I'm feeling numb now. Though I'm not really sure what I'm feeling... Writing this has been cathartic, as has telling a couple of friends. In the time it took to write this, the robot mower has been delivered. The delivery fellow was a nice, friendly man. Thank you, God. I plan to go to the 6:00 meeting. Maybe I'll share. Maybe I'll just "be" there. I'm supposed to go to a ballroom dance practice party with Grand Sponz. I've considered cancelling, but I think it will do me good to go. I don't yet know of any funereal plans, so my plan is only for tomorrow and it's simple so far. Get up, pray, clean up, pray, get hair cut, pray, pick up shirts, pray, go to a meeting, pray and tell my story. And pray.
At work, I told my boss of what happened and asked that work not do the standard sending of a flowering plant or anything, including coworkers visiting the funeral home or attending the funeral. Work did that and coworkers visited when my other grandfather died and I appreciated it greatly. This is different. I've not been part of this family for so long that having work involved in any way is an unwanted distraction/complication. Then I called Granny and my mother and told them of Daddy Bob.
I left work at 9:00, dropped the shirts off (ready at noon Saturday), picked up Rx and a coffee at the drugstore, bought dress shoes and a belt at a department store, went to the suit shop and proceeded to buy the suit. AA was there - one of the salesmen... Thank you, God. Marked the alterations (rush job - ready in 4 hours - I didn't even have to ask. Great customer service there!) and headed out to my car. There I called my best friend and while we were talking, another AA walked by and came over to my car and shook my hand, said hello and moved on. Thank you, God. I went to Arby's and got a quick lunch so I could get to the 12:10 AA meeting downtown. Called my sponsor while eating. She answered and we talked a moment. Thank you, God. Arrived early enough to the meeting to walk around downtown for awhile. Went to the meeting and helped set up.
The meeting was on anger. I wasn't really connecting with it, but I was in a meeting. About 3/4 through the meeting (held on the 2nd floor with windows open to the street) there was a startling sound, like a car backfiring. Someone sitting at the windows yelled to us, "Look!" Almost everyone either stood and looked or moved to the windows and looked. A man was on the sidewalk across the street, lying in the beginnings of a pool of blood. He'd either fallen, been pushed or jumped from the parking deck across the street. I sat down immediately, wishing I'd not seen it. Tears came a bit...
Some attendees ran downstairs. Some stayed at the windows. Some sat back down. Some called 911. One gave graphic descriptions of the scene to the dispatcher. Emergency personnel arrived. Someone suggested ending the meeting. We did with prayer. I helped clean up and left. My car was right on the street. I averted my eyes as much as possible. Thank God they'd covered him with a sheet. I drove to an AA friend's business place, told him of what happened and some of this week's stuff. We sat in the back and talked a bit. Not much, for he was almost continually busy with customers coming in. (He said I should visit more often - good for business) I sat alone in his back room for about 30 minutes. Thank God for that safe place.
I drove a long route back to the suit shop, about an hour early, just in case the suit was ready. (They'd said it might be.) It was. On the way to the meeting and back to the suit shop, I noted how beautiful the day was. I had the top down and it was gorgeous. Thank you, God. I got home, parked the car and went to get the mail.
There's a dead bluebird in the street in front of our house.
I think I'm feeling numb now. Though I'm not really sure what I'm feeling... Writing this has been cathartic, as has telling a couple of friends. In the time it took to write this, the robot mower has been delivered. The delivery fellow was a nice, friendly man. Thank you, God. I plan to go to the 6:00 meeting. Maybe I'll share. Maybe I'll just "be" there. I'm supposed to go to a ballroom dance practice party with Grand Sponz. I've considered cancelling, but I think it will do me good to go. I don't yet know of any funereal plans, so my plan is only for tomorrow and it's simple so far. Get up, pray, clean up, pray, get hair cut, pray, pick up shirts, pray, go to a meeting, pray and tell my story. And pray.
