raanch

I voiced something in the meeting tonight that has been tickling my brain a little bit since last night. As prepared to write off my father's side of the family as I have been for many years, perhaps it is not the right thing to do. For a long time, I've felt that Daddy Bob's funeral would be the last time I'd ever deal with any of that side of my family, save the occasional run-in in public. Now, after the way I've been treated by so many people of my past, in the past few weeks and especially yesterday, I think may be depriving myself of something special. I have allowed my feelings for my father to carry over onto other family members. They don't deserve it. There are a lot of good people I've distanced myself from all because of shame of a folly of youth and fear of being hurt as only family can. I told Granny yesterday that blood doesn't mean anything to me, that actions determine who are included in what I call family. Perhaps I am wrong. Perhaps the belief of others in blood is enough. As was said in an after-the-meeting meeting, "The door has been opened. Now I have to decide if I'll walk through."

It's something I wouldn't normally do. Doing things I wouldn't normally do has already helped me grow so much. Is this another chance to grow?