"My disease is in a burger."
I went to a men's meeting last night. It's one I go to regularly, though not frequently. It's an uncomfortable meeting for me because I still do not relate well with straight men. Still, I go and sit with my discomfort and try to get something from what's shared and, hopefully, a little but more comfort, a little more of a feeling that I belong and am accepted. I do know this is in my head (mostly), but I can't just turn it off and I can't or won't just turn it over and leave it. (Set it and forget it!) Still, it gets a little better and, if I'd go to men's meetings more frequently, I bet it'd get better faster. (Typing this shit out really helps...)
Anyway, back to the title of this post... One of the fellas last night talked about how his disease manifests itself in more ways than just alcoholism. He said he had sometimes, at 3:00 in the morning, gone to Cook Out and gotten a big, thick, greasy burger and devoured it trying to change the way he felt. He said how "at that moment, my disease is in a burger." I can relate to that. Whenever I try to change the way I feel by eating, I'm all up in my -ism. Damn if recovery can't be trying. The knowledge of my actions not being "healthy" can really be irksome. Sometimes I'm almost defiant to "healthy living" and act out.
This morning, I decided I wanted a Burger King breakfast, something I've not had in a long while; not before work in at least a year. Now if I'd been eating healthily for the preceeding time, it would likely have not been a cause of that "I'm not being good" feeling. BK wasn't even open when I got there. They were supposed to be, but were having computer problems. I waited... I got the breakfast and thoroughly enjoyed it. Fortunately I don't feel guilty about it. However, I need to arrest this behavior of eating too much and most definitely the behavior of eating to change my mood.
I was doing very well for the past several months, but when I got sick a couple of weeks ago, the gloves were off. When I'm sick, I will have my comfort in food if that's what my body wants. Fortunately, I'm not sick very often. (I'm a lot healthier now that I don't drink and don't smoke!) I need/want to get back to eating to not be hungry rather than eating to be full.
Anyway, getting this back to alcoholism, I'm grateful that I know that alcohol is not safe for me to put in my body. I'm glad that the option to change how I feel by using alcohol (or drug abuse) is just not on my menu. I can eat a Double Quarter Pounder with Cheese and two large fries, a large tea and lots of cookies and I know I will still be relatively OK. One drink or drug and I have no idea where I will go. I'm glad I can choose not to drink. I can pretty much call any day a success when I have not had a drink that day. ("pretty much" because there are plenty of things I can do that would kinda null the idea of a day being a success... Say, a murder spree?)
Diseases are something that most people will have to deal with at some point in their life. With all of the diseases out there it can be difficult to recognize if you suffering from something. Luckily, you can easily conduct a symptom search online that will give you the medical information you are looking for before, or even after, visiting your doctor. If being healthy is important to you then visit your doctor regularly and stay up-to-date on what's happening in the medical world. Find a reputable and well-known medical website to help you in your quest for a healthier life.
Anyway, back to the title of this post... One of the fellas last night talked about how his disease manifests itself in more ways than just alcoholism. He said he had sometimes, at 3:00 in the morning, gone to Cook Out and gotten a big, thick, greasy burger and devoured it trying to change the way he felt. He said how "at that moment, my disease is in a burger." I can relate to that. Whenever I try to change the way I feel by eating, I'm all up in my -ism. Damn if recovery can't be trying. The knowledge of my actions not being "healthy" can really be irksome. Sometimes I'm almost defiant to "healthy living" and act out.
This morning, I decided I wanted a Burger King breakfast, something I've not had in a long while; not before work in at least a year. Now if I'd been eating healthily for the preceeding time, it would likely have not been a cause of that "I'm not being good" feeling. BK wasn't even open when I got there. They were supposed to be, but were having computer problems. I waited... I got the breakfast and thoroughly enjoyed it. Fortunately I don't feel guilty about it. However, I need to arrest this behavior of eating too much and most definitely the behavior of eating to change my mood.
I was doing very well for the past several months, but when I got sick a couple of weeks ago, the gloves were off. When I'm sick, I will have my comfort in food if that's what my body wants. Fortunately, I'm not sick very often. (I'm a lot healthier now that I don't drink and don't smoke!) I need/want to get back to eating to not be hungry rather than eating to be full.
Anyway, getting this back to alcoholism, I'm grateful that I know that alcohol is not safe for me to put in my body. I'm glad that the option to change how I feel by using alcohol (or drug abuse) is just not on my menu. I can eat a Double Quarter Pounder with Cheese and two large fries, a large tea and lots of cookies and I know I will still be relatively OK. One drink or drug and I have no idea where I will go. I'm glad I can choose not to drink. I can pretty much call any day a success when I have not had a drink that day. ("pretty much" because there are plenty of things I can do that would kinda null the idea of a day being a success... Say, a murder spree?)
Diseases are something that most people will have to deal with at some point in their life. With all of the diseases out there it can be difficult to recognize if you suffering from something. Luckily, you can easily conduct a symptom search online that will give you the medical information you are looking for before, or even after, visiting your doctor. If being healthy is important to you then visit your doctor regularly and stay up-to-date on what's happening in the medical world. Find a reputable and well-known medical website to help you in your quest for a healthier life.
